I didn’t fall off the planet but I did need some time to myself which got a bit longer than I thought it would. So what happened month 4-5…I’ve always kind of thought if you don’t have anything good to say don’t say it!
I envisaged it being a month to press on & make strength gains but anterior knee pain put paid to that! Instead I had a rehab holiday. A total break for 10 days (except basic quads ex’s) to let things settle then gently build up & reintroduce activity. It definitely helped but was a knock emotionally as it felt like I was treading water. It nearly broke me.
Surprisingly I went to some pretty dark places this month and wasn’t much fun to be around. With a social life based around being active & exercising I found I was missing the friends I used to DO things with & it was hard going. Suddenly I wasn’t much use to anyone despite the fact I had come so far! I even let a little anger creep in unnecessarily, but all the while I needed to keep my eyes on the prize and try not to project my issues onto anyone else. I was also aware I didn’t want my kids to pick up on how I was dealing with the challenge and start copying any of my less than positive behaviours in relation to injuries.
Also I struggled with guilt about how I was feeling. It was just a knee! I was sooo lucky & fortunate to be back walking, working, breathing whilst others have everything a lot harder particularly as a result of a global pandemic or any manner of other medical or non-medical reasons. What struck me this month was that I had underestimated deeply the psychological aspect of my own rehab & how it was also mixed up in my expectations of myself as a physiotherapist. Geeezzz ….deep.
I did also do some positive things after my rehab holiday that made me smile!! I started a few more faster off-road walks whilst accompanying my daughter hacking, great for proprioception, balance & confidence and continued on with the paddle boarding – yay!
Everyone feels better with some vit D, so after a triumphant finish to homeschooling we planned to head off with the kids via eurotunnel for a massive road trip to Spain to spend some time as a family on my parents boat. Not needing to take a flight we felt we could isolate as much as we needed to offshore. But it did mean a 16 hour drive! It built confidence that I tolerated 6 hours of driving a day and I have to admit it was great to get away.